Passionate Living

Episode 1: Running Away From Your Problems
Episode 2: A Millionaire Affair
Episode 3: Romance in Marriage
Episode 4: An Undoable Mistake
Episode 5: The Cost of Negative Energy

Looking to the past by ~Butterfly-HC

Cecilia and I didn’t exchange many words on the way to her studio. The positive energy that was previously there between us had been drained away by the negative energy of her fiance. Both of us had things on our mind, and it prevented us from talking to each other.

During her phone conversation, Cecilia did her best to defend me as a friend who is truly just a friend. She tried to comfort the anger and jealousy of her fiance by reassuring him there is nothing between her and I. Cecilia also mentioned that he didn’t know what I was like, and if he did he would understand that I am really no threat to their relationship.

But Cecilia also mentioned I didn’t fit with any of her other friends. I suppose she said this because her fiance might have suggested or asked why we couldn’t meet up in the company of her other friends. Her statement made me think about the truth to that question: Why are Cecilia and I friends?

Lonely excitement

When I think about it, her fiance does have a point: Cecilia and I share almost nothing in common, and we come from almost completely different backgrounds. The only similarity we shared was a moment in 2001 when we were in the same room, doing the same thing together. Is that a strong enough bond to justify a friendship?

I’m quite convinced I like seeing Cecilia not because I have a secret agenda with her. I like having conversations with her because I believe there’s much value to be created. The synergy of her character with mine, often results in inspiration good for the both of us.

But sometimes I wonder whether Cecilia doesn’t feel the same way, and the excitement is mine alone. Her fiance might be right, in that she and I don’t have a strong enough reason to see each other. And for a moment, I believed that thought.

Mrs. Cecilia

It made me upset, knowing that I won’t see her just as a friend anymore. Cecilia told me that we might not be able to meet up without her fiance – soon to be husband – there with us. She politely asked that I understand and I replied that of course I do.

On the drive back, I thought about why this was irritating me. Then I found out it was because I was accused of being a man I wasn’t. Her fiance’s response was as if I was a man who might try to steal her from him; and that made me furious.

Then I realized, I don’t have time for his childish behavior. I don’t have time to be involved in his game of jealousy and self-satisfaction. The drama their playing, is so 25 years ago for me; and that’s what made me upset.

Still, I hate missing out on an opportunity to create value.

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Telephone by ~bexe

Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3
Episode 4

Cecilia and I used to spend a lot of time talking on the phone, especially when it was me living out of town. We would talk about nothing in particular, enjoying the niceties of friends who are comfortable in each others accompaniment without purpose. We could spend hours interchanging between random topics, of course with several fundamental lessons imprinted along the way.

But sometimes I would feel bad about calling her, because sometimes I feel our conversation was a waste of time for her. Sometimes I felt it was only me who wanted to talk, even though Cecilia spent the most time talking and me mostly listening. Sometimes I stopped myself from calling her just because I wanted to.

But today, the tables are turned. This time it was her fiance who called her and made our meeting up became uncomfortable. This time it was his action that spread out negative energy between the three of us that still plagued me until the day was almost over.

Glimpse of a good morning

Negative energy is more contagious that positive energy – arbitrarily nine times stronger. When we are angry, especially in the morning, we tend to target our family members and vent out our anger on them, even though it has nothing to do with them particularly. When we do this, not only do we make ourselves more angry, we also jeopardize any glimpse of a good morning our family members might have been having.

We do this not only in our own houses, but everywhere we are. Everywhere we work, play, shop, drive, exercise, and hang out are potential places where we could be spreading negative energy when we are upset. The total cost to society, especially the people around us, is much greater than the small amount (if any) of relief that we think we get by making other people know we are angry.

In Cecilia’s case, her fiance was upset she had met up with me, and through his uncomfortable cell phone call [1], he managed to spread his negativity all the way from Bali, and canceled the momentum Cecilia and I were in. We ended the conversation right there, since both of us were already victims of the negative energy, and I drove her to her studio in silence.

But the worse part of it all isn’t the abrupt interruption – the worse part is how the negative energy affected me throughout the rest of the day. I like to say I am a person who works on being happy, so when somebody comes along and manages to ruin that happiness by their being selfish and childish, it really upsets me [2]. I did my best to regain composure, but the damage was done, and the negative energy inevitably plagued me all day.

No respect

One question we need to ask ourselves is: is it worth it? Is it worth expressing your childish selfishness, just to make yourself feel better? Is it worth it, pushing the point that you’re right and she’s wrong, and that she has to apologize like you’ve never made your share of mistakes?

There are no rewards for being an angry person. There’s no acknowledgment, no respect, no growth, no happiness, no love, no health benefits, and especially no integrity when you expect someone else to be responsible for your failing to manage your emotions. There’s no reason why we should allow ourselves to spread the negative energy and endanger the momentum people are building in their days – since that is already difficult to do by default.

Stop being childish and grow up. If you are angry, it means you have no integrity – because you are threatened by the things that reveal your weaknesses, therefore you resort to defensive stances. Be aware, and be actionable – know what is the real problem you are having and tackle the problem with the head of an adult; not the eagerness of a teenager.

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[1] It makes me wonder how some people can do that; pick up the phone to start an argument. The point of telecommunication is so that we don’t get caught in the moment and have time to think through what we are about to say before we say it! The point is being able to prevent exact occurrences like this one!
[2] It crushes me, when an adult behaves like a child, and they can’t see that for themselves. That is NOT true happiness; that is NOT true strength of character; that is STILL living in your own illusion of reality

*And I almost forgot, here is the NEW SONG that I should have uploaded a week ago:
When You Come Through For Me by Endy Daniyanto

a good cry by Jenene Chesbrough

I learn a lot from small children, especially my niece and nephew. One of the things I notice is how small children cry more because of someone watched them trip and fall than falling itself. This happens with my nephew sometimes.

Yesterday, he was running around and tripped over a mat and fell. It was a pretty rough smack on the floor, and I was the one closest to him. But instead of crying immediately, he looked around to see if anyone was there and looked at me. He immediately developed a frown, but before he could cry I already shook my head and acted tough and ignored him instead of rushing over and consoling him. He stood there for a while, and then continued running towards the front terrace.

Sometimes children not from the pain, but from being embarassed or from not wanting anyone to watch them make mistakes. Sometimes they cry for attention. And it made me think: do adults cry for attention too?

Big drama production

I have this friend who’s brokenhearted (actually I have plenty of friends who are brokenhearted). She’s taking a sabbatical and retreating to a secluded place. I would say that it’s alright, but she’s tweeting about the fact.

Which makes me wonder: when we are injured, why are we vocal about our injuries? In the face of things, we say we just need time alone, but we cry out for attention like the small children do. We send angry messages to the universe at large, begging for someone to comfort us but we don’t want to admit that we are weak.

We act tough, but expect people to be soft to us. We say everything’s OK, but complain to attract other people’s attention. We are hesitant to admit that we are hurting, and we need to be taken care of.

How to be a gentleman

In “Batman & Robin”, Alfred the butler was dying because of a disease – yet he hid the fact from Bruce Wayne and said “Gentlemen do not talk about their illness” when asked why he never said anything about it. True, sometimes we do need to share our problems in order to find the solution or if someone has an idea for a solution. But most of the time, it’s more to attract attention than it is to fix things right.

It may have happened to you, when you offer a solution to a friend who’s crying out for attention. Yet, they might come up with excuses that allow them to avoid being responsible for their own happiness and give them justification to continue sinking in their sorrow. Some people are really addicted to the drama.

Maybe we aren’t so different from small children. Maybe we still want to cry out for attention, not from the pain but because we want someone to be there. Maybe it’s time to grow up, and learn to stand on our own two feet again.

What do you think, guys?

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*Having some fun at Wordle, turns your text into a work of art!

[1] Photograph by Jenene Chesbrough. Because it totally looks fake