Passionate Living

This is the 100th post on Passionate Living, and coincidentally I have been meaning to make a change of plans. The writing projects I’m doing will be on hiatus as I take this time to focus on music projects which deserve priority for the moment. Therefore, this blog will also be on a hiatus, and the 100-post momentum seems like the appropriate time to stop for a moment.

This is not however the end of everything: let’s call this the first semester. The blog will continue at a later time, after a phase of relaxation and a recharge of creative ideas; also coming back with an emphasis on quality over quantity.

Thank you if you’ve been following this blog for however many posts ago. I don’t think this blog has many readers, so for the small group of you who do, you have my gratitude. I hope the ideas and insights I’ve shared have been valuable to you as they have been to me, and I pray that life holds more change and progress for all of us. Let’s look forward to the future, to the second leg of this blog that will meet you at a future time in your life where things may not be comprehensible seen from the present but is nevertheless good and welcome.

The final, 100th thought for you to think, and I think is the basis of the first chapter of this blog, is most appropriately conveyed through this little parable:

The Puppy, The Pillow, and The Dark

A small, white, furry, bubbly little Puppy is playing around. Its jumping and rolling and scurrying around and wagging its little tail like it’s having the time of its life. Its playing with an innocent joy that it’s getting from the only other companion around: a fluffy, soft, lifeless white Pillow.

The Puppy is prancing and preying, running around The Pillow, barking its little tongue out as it plays around The Pillow. The Pillow, of course, just sits there lifeless and motionless as The Puppy grabs the edges of the pillow with its teeth and drags it around. The Puppy, even though receiving no response from The Pillow, just continues playing around, lost in its own little world.

The Dark, surrounds The Puppy and The Pillow. There are only the three of them in their universe of existence: the white Puppy, the white Pillow, and the pitch black Dark. The Pillow is lifeless and feels nothing: it is there because it is only there and would still be there even if The Puppy disappears.

But The Puppy is unaware of The Dark. It is unaware that around it there is nothing else but The Pillow, which is his source of happiness, joy, and everything else in life. The Puppy is unaware of the danger and the change about to happen, as everything in its world falls apart.

The Pillow suddenly disappears one day. The Puppy, not knowing anything in its life other than the Pillow, is now made aware of The Dark. The Pillow, as it turns out, has only been in its imagination all this time, and it is The Dark that is real and is the place The Puppy lives in.

Now The Puppy is alone with The Dark. Its obliviousness to The Dark before, because it only knew The Pillow, leaves it completely vulnerable and unable to deal with the reality of the situation. Everything it believed in: Its Joy, Love, and Happiness, has all disappeared together with The Pillow. The only thing that’s left is the looming Darkness that surrounds The Puppy in every direction it sees, and as far as any distance it goes.

—

Our reality in life is subject to be proven. Our beliefs that we believe to be true and unchangeable, are in fact as easily changeable and vulnerable as a fluffy white pillow. The danger we can make, the mentality of a little puppy, would be to build our lives based around these superficial beliefs because one day – since they are superficial – these beliefs will fade and fall apart and reveal the truth of our real reality: the darkness that we have avoided acknowledging this entire time.

If there is one question we should ask ourselves right now, it should be: but is it real? Are the values we believe in real? Are the things we say real? Are the ideas with which we build our lives on real, and will still be real tomorrow?

This question is for you to answer: is what you are doing right now real, in the sense that it will still be part of you ten years from now? Are the relationships you are in real, in the sense that the love will still be there twenty years from now? Is your identity real, in the sense that you still uphold the things you say now, even until the very end of your life?

-END OF CHAPTER ONE-

Episode 1: Running Away From Your Problems
Episode 2: A Millionaire Affair
Episode 3: Romance in Marriage
Episode 4: An Undoable Mistake
Episode 5: The Cost of Negative Energy

Looking to the past by ~Butterfly-HC

Cecilia and I didn’t exchange many words on the way to her studio. The positive energy that was previously there between us had been drained away by the negative energy of her fiance. Both of us had things on our mind, and it prevented us from talking to each other.

During her phone conversation, Cecilia did her best to defend me as a friend who is truly just a friend. She tried to comfort the anger and jealousy of her fiance by reassuring him there is nothing between her and I. Cecilia also mentioned that he didn’t know what I was like, and if he did he would understand that I am really no threat to their relationship.

But Cecilia also mentioned I didn’t fit with any of her other friends. I suppose she said this because her fiance might have suggested or asked why we couldn’t meet up in the company of her other friends. Her statement made me think about the truth to that question: Why are Cecilia and I friends?

Lonely excitement

When I think about it, her fiance does have a point: Cecilia and I share almost nothing in common, and we come from almost completely different backgrounds. The only similarity we shared was a moment in 2001 when we were in the same room, doing the same thing together. Is that a strong enough bond to justify a friendship?

I’m quite convinced I like seeing Cecilia not because I have a secret agenda with her. I like having conversations with her because I believe there’s much value to be created. The synergy of her character with mine, often results in inspiration good for the both of us.

But sometimes I wonder whether Cecilia doesn’t feel the same way, and the excitement is mine alone. Her fiance might be right, in that she and I don’t have a strong enough reason to see each other. And for a moment, I believed that thought.

Mrs. Cecilia

It made me upset, knowing that I won’t see her just as a friend anymore. Cecilia told me that we might not be able to meet up without her fiance – soon to be husband – there with us. She politely asked that I understand and I replied that of course I do.

On the drive back, I thought about why this was irritating me. Then I found out it was because I was accused of being a man I wasn’t. Her fiance’s response was as if I was a man who might try to steal her from him; and that made me furious.

Then I realized, I don’t have time for his childish behavior. I don’t have time to be involved in his game of jealousy and self-satisfaction. The drama their playing, is so 25 years ago for me; and that’s what made me upset.

Still, I hate missing out on an opportunity to create value.

—

Telephone by ~bexe

Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3
Episode 4

Cecilia and I used to spend a lot of time talking on the phone, especially when it was me living out of town. We would talk about nothing in particular, enjoying the niceties of friends who are comfortable in each others accompaniment without purpose. We could spend hours interchanging between random topics, of course with several fundamental lessons imprinted along the way.

But sometimes I would feel bad about calling her, because sometimes I feel our conversation was a waste of time for her. Sometimes I felt it was only me who wanted to talk, even though Cecilia spent the most time talking and me mostly listening. Sometimes I stopped myself from calling her just because I wanted to.

But today, the tables are turned. This time it was her fiance who called her and made our meeting up became uncomfortable. This time it was his action that spread out negative energy between the three of us that still plagued me until the day was almost over.

Glimpse of a good morning

Negative energy is more contagious that positive energy – arbitrarily nine times stronger. When we are angry, especially in the morning, we tend to target our family members and vent out our anger on them, even though it has nothing to do with them particularly. When we do this, not only do we make ourselves more angry, we also jeopardize any glimpse of a good morning our family members might have been having.

We do this not only in our own houses, but everywhere we are. Everywhere we work, play, shop, drive, exercise, and hang out are potential places where we could be spreading negative energy when we are upset. The total cost to society, especially the people around us, is much greater than the small amount (if any) of relief that we think we get by making other people know we are angry.

In Cecilia’s case, her fiance was upset she had met up with me, and through his uncomfortable cell phone call [1], he managed to spread his negativity all the way from Bali, and canceled the momentum Cecilia and I were in. We ended the conversation right there, since both of us were already victims of the negative energy, and I drove her to her studio in silence.

But the worse part of it all isn’t the abrupt interruption – the worse part is how the negative energy affected me throughout the rest of the day. I like to say I am a person who works on being happy, so when somebody comes along and manages to ruin that happiness by their being selfish and childish, it really upsets me [2]. I did my best to regain composure, but the damage was done, and the negative energy inevitably plagued me all day.

No respect

One question we need to ask ourselves is: is it worth it? Is it worth expressing your childish selfishness, just to make yourself feel better? Is it worth it, pushing the point that you’re right and she’s wrong, and that she has to apologize like you’ve never made your share of mistakes?

There are no rewards for being an angry person. There’s no acknowledgment, no respect, no growth, no happiness, no love, no health benefits, and especially no integrity when you expect someone else to be responsible for your failing to manage your emotions. There’s no reason why we should allow ourselves to spread the negative energy and endanger the momentum people are building in their days – since that is already difficult to do by default.

Stop being childish and grow up. If you are angry, it means you have no integrity – because you are threatened by the things that reveal your weaknesses, therefore you resort to defensive stances. Be aware, and be actionable – know what is the real problem you are having and tackle the problem with the head of an adult; not the eagerness of a teenager.

—

[1] It makes me wonder how some people can do that; pick up the phone to start an argument. The point of telecommunication is so that we don’t get caught in the moment and have time to think through what we are about to say before we say it! The point is being able to prevent exact occurrences like this one!
[2] It crushes me, when an adult behaves like a child, and they can’t see that for themselves. That is NOT true happiness; that is NOT true strength of character; that is STILL living in your own illusion of reality

*And I almost forgot, here is the NEW SONG that I should have uploaded a week ago:
When You Come Through For Me by Endy Daniyanto