Passionate Living

Continuing the idea I had in a previous post (inspired by @sivers) [1], let’s talk about the need to change. Several weeks ago I hung out with one of my best friends from high school, since he just came back to Jakarta after a two year education stay in Beijing. It was also because his family just built a new house (that’s only more or less 500 meters from his old house), so I had more than one reason to go.

What I wanted to do was to listen to his story about living in China, meeting the people and the community there, and the fact he found his first real girlfriend there also (after a 22 year unlucky streak in his homeland). But we ended up doing the usual things we did way back in high school: play some video games, hung out at our “favorite” mall, and then a late night bite at McDonalds. Not that I mind, it’s still fun, but it made me think about the things we used to do as high school friends.

You see, in the old days there were five of us in a close and intimate clique (our other friends even gave us nicknames, because we were the mellowest band of boys in the class). But since then, the fellowship has separated (in location, not in relation): one has started a career as a civil engineer in Singapore (and gaining weight faster than a cow can chew), one has moved to a different province (although an adjacent city, it’s still registered as a different borderline), and one has long left our friendship in favor of solitude and to drown in his own sorrow of his own fate (I’m not kidding). The five four of us have been friends for ten years now, and the length of this relationship made me feel slightly nostalgic when we were cruising down the mall as if it was still the old days.

Memories of yesteryear

I asked my friend: what was it that we used to do back then? He answered: we usually meet up at the bookstore, browse for (pirated) Playstation games at the game shop, maybe watch a movie, and we would spend the night playing video games if we were having a sleep over. As he said that to me, I kept thinking and laughing to myself: Gee, back then those things felt important, didn’t they? Now, they sound really childish in comparison.

Then my mind wondered to the statement often said by people who are older and are in their jobs or married with children: high school is the best time (is this true in other cultures? It’s quite true in my circle here in Jakarta). But is it really the best time? Sure I miss those times when we “dumb hangout”-ed with each other, but if we were still doing it, it would feel even dumber. I think the change, although it leaves us feeling slightly nostalgic, is necessary as a natural part of moving on with our lives to discover the true value we need to create.

I have seen people who look like they can’t move on from their glory days in high school. And sometimes, it crushes me to look at the fact, like they don’t have a greater purpose than to constantly relive the best moments of their lives, even though other people have continued on. It doesn’t feel real, and standing there in the parking lot of our “favorite” mall that night, I accepted it as a truth.

Head up, young person

At the end of the day, we need the change. Sometimes, I feel sad that we need to “steal” time in order to hang out with each other, and every encounter feels like a goodbye for a long period of time (last time all four of us got together was before my friend went to Beijing, almost two years ago). Being the kind of friend that I am, not being available for my friends makes me feel slightly incompetent.

But we do need to grow, and move on, and discover just how vast life is. It would be wonderful if we could always find the time to meet with our friends that have shaped our lives whenever we wanted to, but obligations are alright to have. Our dreams and our individual journeys take their own separate path, and following where our hearts lead us is as important as keeping the friendship close in our minds and in our hearts.

I don’t know when we will be able to meet again, all four of us. And even if we did, what would we do then? I think the things we used to do don’t fit us anymore, even though they were the sweetest at the time. I suppose we’ll have to find our greater purposes, and share them so we can help each other to reach our dreams.

*Insert the Three Muskeeters ubiquitous fanfare here

All for one and one for all

—

*It’s More Music Monday! In conjunction with the release of Song #2 (as part of the 26 Songs Project), here’s music from another artist whom I think is worth listening to:

*She’s also the first artist to be released under the BCWax label, and is offering a beautiful limited vinyl edition of her album. Read my opinion about it here.

*And of course, here is Song #2. It took a much faster time then I would’ve estimated. Tell me what you think:

Love You So by Endy Daniyanto

[1] Why We Always Need to Change, 2009

Cry Over

“There was a time when I cried over a broken toy. It stopped. There was a time when I cried over a broken heart. It stopped.”

It breaks my heart every time I flashback to my childhood memories. I feel guilty when I remember I used to cry over a broken toy, and my parents would be busy finding a way to fix it. As if it was the most important thing in my life.

It makes me feel guilty because it makes me feel small. It makes me feel ashamed that my world was so narrow. And I always demanded that it be fixed right now.

Granted, that is the point of growing up: to be a better more mature person, and leave the childish pursuits behind [1]. The point when I changed was when I learned to laugh at myself. It helped me be more relaxed and easy towards the things that usually made me worry.

Fast forward ten years later. Broken toys don’t make me cry (at least not as much), but broken hearts still did. And I really took my time to heal.

It felt wrong because I was postponing my life waiting for someone who kept moving on with hers. I knew I had to change, or else I would be perpetually trapped in this vortex of sadness. But growing up this time wasn’t an easy thing to do.

I said to myself I’d give four years. I ended up using only one (if you can call that an achievement). There were some major catalysts along the way, but in hindsight I realized it was mainly because I wrote my spiritual memoir [2].

As I’ve shared before, I keep a journal, and every year there’s a theme that becomes the title for it. After finishing writing the spiritual memoir, the coda (the final chapter) was titled “Hope”. “Hope” also became the theme of my journal at the beginning of the next year.

Love was a strong motivation for me, much like playing was an important part of my childhood. But Hope became an even stronger motivation: the aspiration to be an independent person, to stand on my own two feet, and have my own dreams to pursue. That’s why I say happiness is a conscious choice, because I achieved my happiness by making it an active effort.

Love leads to Hope, and Hope leads to discovery: there is a greater purpose in life. The cliche still applies: time is the best healer, but we can determine how much time we take to heal. I finally realized postponing my life wasn’t the best idea, so I accelerated the process as fast as I could.

Maybe broken hearts still make you cry. For now, let it be, and it’s alright. But there’s a time when you should allow it to happen, and a time when you should no longer allow it inside. The question is: which time is it?

The answer: it’s always time to change.

Attraversiamo. Let’s cross over.

—

[1] However, not *all* childish pursuits should be left behind. The greatest achievers are usually still very much in touch with their inner child. The point is to know which one is still worth pursuing
[2] Write Your Own Spiritual Memoir, 2009
[3] Attraversiamo is a term I learned from Elizabeth Gilbert’s freakish best-seller “Eat, Pray, Love“. It’s a recommended read

This time, I’m gonna be true to my emotions.